Oh dear. I hate it when I [being the unobservant person who hardly pays any attention to my surroundings] don't notice people and people notice me. It's so terrible to be walking and not seeing [like I do all the time], when you hear a not unfamiliar voice say "hey" and you look up and ah -- someone you know is standing right in front of you. But of course you didn't realise, since you are unobservant. It makes me feel so guilty. I shall walk around and -look- next time, and not be all wrapped up in my own thoughts or lost somewhere so much.


***


She trudged along under the weight of her bag, wrapped up in her thoughts -- of the test this morning, the homework waiting for her, the test tomorrow, the homework waiting for her...

Then she walked past that bus stop. She glanced up casually at the lengthening queue. It was becoming her habit to look out for him. Well, not look out for him exactly, but just to let her eyes stray to that bus stop, although she knew he wouldn't be waiting for the bus at this hour.

And he wasn't there. She felt a slight pang of disappointment. But she knew he wouldn't be there anyway.

And then she thought about -- what if one day he was there. She would smile at him... not grin at him, not glance past him and stride on. Then she would let her eyes linger until she rounded the corner and he became out of sight. Maybe she'd even say hi. It surely wasn't that difficult just to say hi.

He would probably look stunned, be taken aback. She would stand in awkward silence, hoping he would say something to fill the silence. And perhaps he wouldn't respond at all.

He did seem nice. But what if he wasn't as nice as he seemed to be? Being disillusioned is not a pleasant thing.

Perhaps she should just continue looking out for him at the bus stop; hoping that she will meet him after school, even if it's just for a fleeting moment, of glancing confusedly up at him and trying to smile, while attempting to puzzle out his expression.

She was quite content, really, just to "worship from afar".


***


Jin1 Zhi1 Yu4 Ye4 is showing right now. Why in the world am I supposed to be studying for my Higher Chinese mock exam? When I don't even have lessons tomorrow.

*sobs*

I'm being ridiculous. I have watched that movie 4 times. 4 times is enough for anyone. 4 times is enough for any movie. My prelims is in less than a month's time.

I know. I know. I know.

But I can just imagine the movie. It just plays in my head and I'm aching to go and snatch that remote control and watch it here and now. I was planning to watch it on the 15th August [next sunday]. And it's showing now. [which is a more convenient time than next sunday evening] It's running through my head and drawing me into its magic. I don't know how I'm going to study anyway, it's unbearable to know that yes it's playing there, I'm just one remote control click away from it, yet I cannot watch it. But I must [study, that is]. And I will. I'm supposed to, anyway.

*sighs* Will somebody just please please source out the VCD for me? Then I will go and buy it and watch it over and over and over again during the december holidays until I am so sick and tired of it I refuse to see it for a year. *sighs again and walks off to look at the **** ci2 yu3 shou3 ce4, which really has taught me little except to doubt my own abilities to make sentences, and then finally lose that ability*