Yesterday I was in a strangely hyper mood. Just... very energetic and excited and bouncy. Must have been affected by erm.... Kotoko. Ah well.
 
Right now I'm being worried about something. Do you think a person can get murdered for talking in the school library? Say no. I really hope not. *crosses fingers* Actually, everyone talks in the library, I was just unlucky, that's really it.
 
Anyway, back to my topic. I was feeling very hyper, went to talk to some people, and they were sort of shocked in a disapproving way. Oh well. That's been my constant problem... that of being so many different people at the same time. I think some people are only used to me being a serious, sensible, rather comforting person, and if I'm not behaving like one, they are utterly shocked. Some others believe that I am an insane and always playful and cheerful person, and if I'm quiet, they wonder if something is wrong. Then again some others, such as those in baoguan I believe, know me as a quiet smiling person, not much personality, just hardworking and relatively reliable, as well as antisocial. I wonder if they will be shocked one day by how hilarious I sometimes am?
 
Ah well. Actually, everyone behaves differently at different places and around different people, it's just that it seems especially "prominent" a feature with me -- that changeability and a sort of "split" personality, that is sort of surprising to myself sometimes. I mean, most people have a sort of overall character, and the character is just manifested in different degrees depending on how comfortable the person is at the moment. Like for instance, if a person is quiet, she is generally quiet, it's just that, perhaps when she's around classmates she's very quiet, around good friends she's rather quiet. She isn't ever... uh... noisy. I am both quiet and noisy. It's sort of scary. Maybe it's just the Gemini personality. But it's so terrible... I always go around scaring people or surprising them with my so-called "other side".
 
But sometimes I wish I could show my "other side" to some people, like the baoguan people. They're such lovely people, yet I always go there making everyone awkward because of my quiet, serious presence. I'm not really quiet or serious, as most who know me will tell you, but at baoguan I just become quiet and serious. I have this bad habit of being the opposite of whoever is with me at the moment. [I am really a very contrary person.] So at baoguan where there are so many happy noisy [in a good way, you know] people I get sort of scared and become the quiet, smiling, entirely antisocial person that I am. And then I get quite sad because I feel slightly left out. But of course, it's all my own fault that I get left out. I don't take the initiative to socialise with people... so why should they come and socialise with me, when I am such a serious, quiet, un-fun person apparently?
 
The problem with baoguan is my laziness [to be enthusiastic], my lack of comfort around acquaintances, and my whole split personality thing. Don't you see, since they are happy fun people, I will become a serious, un-fun person around them? Oh well. *sighs* I wish I could be happy and fun too then I will fit in and have lots of friends there... but I just... can't.
 
What's with my post today, it's just I I I... I don't really think anyway wants to hear more about "I" since I am sufficiently noisy and self-centred as it is, shall go away, and come another time when I have more interesting things to discuss.